aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to go with the chance that no one will read this and just write what is on my heart...cause otherwise my heart will explode!
I sponsor this kid in A.A. and he is working on his 4th step right now. It is a hugely painful process for anyone, but up close it is almost too much to watch. I can't help him really. This is his process and it is a painful one. The phone calls are so draining. He wants to be *let off the hook* and told he doesn't have to do this. But, that is not the case. This is where the magic meets the road. It is the beginning of a lifetime of work. The work becomes more familiar but I don't know that it becomes any easier. I guess the first time you do this from a place of honesty is the most painful. And there it is. I'm not sure he is doing this from a place of honesty. Yes, he wants the relief that will come from this process but he wants it without the work and the pain. It doesn't happen like that. Okay, he wants the easier, softer way. It does not exist. At least not an easier, softer way that will keep him sober and let him learn how to live at ease with himself. I am afraid he is playing games and just doing this because I said he needed to do something. I said, do a 4th step. But, I'm his sponsor, not his higher power. I feel lost and like I'm doing more harm thatn good. I suggested he get a new sponsor but he does not want to.
I did some divination over this and the result was a yes, you are helping. I don't see how. Perhaps my lesson in all of this is to learn patience with someone else's suffering while not actually being able to DO anything. Just be present for them. I wish I had a bandaid or an ice pack that would help his wounds but I do not. I am very afraid that he is not able to see himself honestly yet and therefore will not find the healing he is seeking. But, this too is something I cannot *fix*.